Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

(From an old journal entry I wrote last summer. Written at sunset by the end of my dock.)

The late August sunset stretches her long arms out onto the water, into the sky, across my face. Her warmth is weakening, becoming less strong than it was in the July heat. There is a crispness in the air - almost bitter - that wasn't there before. A season will soon end... a new one shall soon begin. 

Life has a way of sneaking up on you doesn't it? We groan and complain for a new season, but  suddenly it is here without even realizing it. And in another fleeting moment - it vanishes once again. My mother always tells me, "Don't wish for tomorrow, for tomorrow never comes." 

How many tomorrows are we going to ask for? Long for? Wish for? We look too much to the future to what could be and not what is. Our lives are but fleeting moments. Like the dew in  the morning, like the smoke of a blown out candle. 

And now, the August sun has gone to bed, tucked tightly in its sheets of clouds. The sly west wind whispers in my ear and dances in my hair, "Come play!" the wind beckons, "come play before my bitter brother, the North wind comes out to spite you." I turn my face toward its direction and smile, "Tomorrow, wind, tomorrow I will play," and her reply was but a faint whisper. 

I wish I had the courage to live today not tomorrow. There is a person deep within my soul that longs to come out and live her dreams. Travel the world. Meet interesting people with stories to tell and write about. But.... 

But, graduation, financial worries, and marriage is looming in the near future. Money is needed if one wants to travel the world. Commitment and unselfishness and sharing dreams comes with marriage. And my writing? It is sitting passively in the pages of a journal, unknown and untouched by the world. 

Dusk is upon me and goosebumps are creeping onto the surface of my skin. As I stare out into the calm water of this lake and the darkening sky, a realization has made its way into my mind: My life has become nothing but a string of tomorrows. 

Tomorrow I will write a novel. Tomorrow I will pursue my dreams. Tomorrow I will travel to here and there. Tomorrow. 

But tomorrow never comes. Today is the time; the time to do what I need and want to do. Today is the day.  

Third Time's a Charm

Here I sit, nearly 11 at night and I have rummaged through every last memory box, picture album, and old forgotten journals. I am nostalgic in the worst way. I look back on many things in my past and think to myself, "How wonderful things were back then." Especially now, a senior in college about to graduate in May with no job lined up and no clue what to do with my future, parts of my past seem pretty great right about now. 

Third time's a charm for me. I began a blog on Wordpress a couple of years ago. I had to do it for a class, but I kept up with it and people loved it. About three months ago I was going through this phase where I thought about absolutely nothing other than my future career. It consumed me. So I deleted everything off that blog and began a new blog on Social Media, thinking only of my future employers of course. 

It bombed. Actually, it would have been quite good. I got 100 views in the first day I started it. But I became stressed - about my future, my job, my life, and more. So much so that as a 21-year-old I got shingles (which the doctor said was related to stress), I had four canker sores in my mouth at one time, had the worst stress-related acne breakout I ever had, and even lost a few pounds - all within a matter of a couple months. So needless to say, I didn't have the energy or time to put into that second blog as I had hoped. 

Now, I have finally come to the reasons why I truly want to blog, and the reasons why the other two bombed. 

1. I wrote for other people - not myself. Yes, sometimes I wrote stuff I liked, but I had to do it, writing felt like a chore sometimes rather than something I have always been in love with. 

2. I told my followers when I would publish a new post. You read any good blogger and most of the time they'll tell you to have a certain day or days to post a new blog. But again, I felt guilty for missing my own deadline I created for myself that I just eventually gave up. So now, instead of writing when I have to, I'm going to write when I want to. 

3. I had a strict subject to follow. Again, most blogs obviously have a theme or specific topic of choice which they follow - which is great! But I felt restricted by those subjects sometimes and my creativity bubble would burst. Now, not only will I write when I want but also what I want. 


So there you have it. A little taste of this blog. I love to write about everyday ordinary things that become extraordinary in my life. I will write about heartache, or laughter, or pens, or shoelaces, or summer, or the way the waves sound as they lap against the shore. I will about whatever comes into my heart. Enjoy