Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

(From an old journal entry I wrote last summer. Written at sunset by the end of my dock.)

The late August sunset stretches her long arms out onto the water, into the sky, across my face. Her warmth is weakening, becoming less strong than it was in the July heat. There is a crispness in the air - almost bitter - that wasn't there before. A season will soon end... a new one shall soon begin. 

Life has a way of sneaking up on you doesn't it? We groan and complain for a new season, but  suddenly it is here without even realizing it. And in another fleeting moment - it vanishes once again. My mother always tells me, "Don't wish for tomorrow, for tomorrow never comes." 

How many tomorrows are we going to ask for? Long for? Wish for? We look too much to the future to what could be and not what is. Our lives are but fleeting moments. Like the dew in  the morning, like the smoke of a blown out candle. 

And now, the August sun has gone to bed, tucked tightly in its sheets of clouds. The sly west wind whispers in my ear and dances in my hair, "Come play!" the wind beckons, "come play before my bitter brother, the North wind comes out to spite you." I turn my face toward its direction and smile, "Tomorrow, wind, tomorrow I will play," and her reply was but a faint whisper. 

I wish I had the courage to live today not tomorrow. There is a person deep within my soul that longs to come out and live her dreams. Travel the world. Meet interesting people with stories to tell and write about. But.... 

But, graduation, financial worries, and marriage is looming in the near future. Money is needed if one wants to travel the world. Commitment and unselfishness and sharing dreams comes with marriage. And my writing? It is sitting passively in the pages of a journal, unknown and untouched by the world. 

Dusk is upon me and goosebumps are creeping onto the surface of my skin. As I stare out into the calm water of this lake and the darkening sky, a realization has made its way into my mind: My life has become nothing but a string of tomorrows. 

Tomorrow I will write a novel. Tomorrow I will pursue my dreams. Tomorrow I will travel to here and there. Tomorrow. 

But tomorrow never comes. Today is the time; the time to do what I need and want to do. Today is the day.